I'm sorry

I didn't mean to make my own life complicated, and while I don't think I've made yours complicated I want you to know that, on the off chance I did, I am so, so sorry.

I guess I thought I could keep that little fire going in the back of my heart without it going out of control. I thought I could keep it secret, that it would never really affect your life or mine. I never expected it to be a problem. And it wasn't, I don't think, for very nearly a decade. But ultimately, I failed. And I'm sorry that I was wrong, that I couldn't keep it under control. I know that this is most definitely not fine. And I hope that I'm right that you have no idea, because I can't think of much worse than for me to have caused you suffering.

I can't sit here and tell you that I'll ever be able to put out that fire completely. Without even trying, you've found a permanent home in my heart. But I will try to do everything in my power to bring it back under control, to pack it back away in the back corner where it can't cause either of us any harm. And hopefully you will have never even known. Surely, that would be for the best.

Apologetically yours,
♒️